One of the most visceral reactions I’ve seen in people has been in response to things that implement their “security”. Of course, most do not consider or define the term, and as a result they feel their security is impacted by many, many things. The reaction itself is well-founded in human psychology — Maslow’s hierarchy of needs puts security as the most fundamental requirements of a fulfilling human life as “physiological” and “safety” needs, even to the point of hampering most “higher” levels of fulfillment if not satisfied.
Yet I have found that both myself and others spend a lot of effort worrying about security to the point that it can even become a constant undercurrent in all emotions and decisions in a person’s life. A few years ago I got extremely stressed-out about negative feedback from a manager and felt like my livelihood was at risk. At the same time, various people had me worried about how politicians would change the rules on me so that I would lose such-and-such benefits afforded to me. I had just started making very solid progress towards taking care of retirement, but was plagued with all sorts of “what if?” scenarios and fears of losing all my money in the wrong investments.
Almost everybody has their own version of this story, and most are aware that solving these problems would make their life better. But how to go about it?
Before discussing what goes on with feelings around security it’s important to get the discussion focused on a concrete definition. This isn’t important because people don’t understand what security is, but because people feel that its boundaries are different! And that’s actually an important part of trying to get some perspective on the concept.
This post will use the following as a definition of “security”:
the mental state of feeling calmly content with one’s situation
This working definition puts a great deal of emphasis on two things:
By “feelings” I mean the natural, un-processed reaction to one’s immediate situation. Having a “calm” disposition towards contentment is a deliberate distinction from other ways of being content.
Lack of control
If somebody else has significant influence over things that are truly important such as the amount of money you need to simply exist or the lifestyle that you truly want to live, there’s inherent conflict that occurs whenever your views differ with others who call the shots. Perceived lack of control seems so rampant across societies that I believe it has contributed significantly to a sense of learned helplessness in which people generally view regaining control over their own life as some kind of wishful fantasy.
How could you be “content” or “calm” at a very fundamental level when a manager’s whim could make meeting expenses difficult? If you really need a hand from a government program, there’s always the risk that it can get voted away. Should you be worrying about that? This situation wouldn’t let me be very calm.
Goal-setting
Lack of goals can lead to a nihilistic funk; without goals, it’s hard to see what you’re working for. Deferring to the default goal of earning enough to eat and pay the bills is certainly not fulfilling, but it seems as if that’s how a majority of people go about things. If you’re not working towards your own security as a deliberate goal, you won’t find it. You may have fun, but you probably won’t be deeply “calm” and “content”.
Too often it is others that set our goalposts. This shares a lot with the general problems with a lack of control. If you’re motivated by “being married and buying a house by the age of 28”, it is very likely that you let family or social expectations pressure you into that situation. How can you feel “calm” or “content” as required by the above definition of security if you buy into the implied consequence of missing that goal: that you’re a true failure?
Even if you’re setting your own goalposts, you’ll probably move them. If your purpose is to achieve “more”, how can you be “content”? There’s always more.
Loss aversion
Humans are hard-wired to value positive gains much less than avoiding a loss of the same amount—losing $1,000 is generally more painful than gaining $1,000 is joyful. Many people I know (including my past self) spend much so much time worrying about guarding their gains that their joy of everything else is diminished. This is typically characterized by a somewhat pervasive sense of “caution” or “alertness”, and that is certainly incompatible with the notion of a calm contentment.
So how can we regain control of our own lives? How do we know what to work towards and what to live for? How can we enjoy what we have rather than striving for more and trying to protect what we’ve amassed? It may seem rather pithy, but the answers really can be the following:
Yes, these are very straightforward answers to the reasons for insecurity listed in the previous section. Do they qualify as providing a sense of “security”? If you can do these things it means you spend time the way you want, work towards goals that are meaningful to you, and that you can just roll on over the bumps that no doubt will occur along the way. But these suggestions themselves don’t actually answer anything about security despite being direct answers to the three above problems that keep us from feeling secure! This is where I find most advice falls short because it recommends suggestions like band-aids to one’s lifestyle rather than addressing the underlying causes. How valuable is advice like “set boundaries at work to achieve work-life-balance” if your boss controls your fundamental livelihood in terms of a paycheck and her/his disagreement can trump what you want? It does nothing for my sense of security.
Going back to Maslow, without security our ability to pursue higher levels of fulfillment is stunted or even prevented. How can one achieve security in a way that enables personal growth and fulfillment? That’s what this blog is meant to explore! More to come …
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Published December 27th, 2017
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